February colors

This

or this.

I am the God of Hell-Fire and I bring you:

Fire.

Kind of a let down, actually. It really shouldn't be – fire is quite useful, but it's just so, you know... expected. Honestly, you thought I'd bring you something else? That would have been odd. I don't even know why, or if, I am apologizing. I am the God of Hell-Fire, this is what I bring. So what if it's not exactly counter-intuitive? You get fire. If you are really in the mood to question a God, we can discuss what other items you may appreciate more, but personally I am in no mood for negotiating.

...

OK I've thought about it for a bit and I'm officially cheesed off. You came here with your eyes open – it's all written on the sign. Do you go to Ming the Merciless for absolution? Does Joan of Arc travel in a straight line? If you wanted something instead of fire, then why are we even talking? Go and spend your fire-forsaken life with the God of Paper-Doilies or whatever. Rot somewhere far away from me. Ingrate.

Actual virtual problems

• Why does my Sim get no comfort from sitting in a recliner?
• My Sim has a night job. How can I take a night off without getting fired?
• Why did my Sim suddenly start twitching and then melt into ashes?
• Why does my Sim's carpool fail to arrive sometimes?
• I always go to work, but I'm not getting promoted. What's going on?
• Sometimes, after a burglary, I can't move or sell my table.
• How can I remove a snack from the floor? My Sims can't clean it up and I can't move it.
• Some neighbors seem to be "stuck" on my property. I can’t talk to them or anything. What do I do?
• Anyone know how the monkey butler works? I call it out of its tree, but most of the time it does nothing and simply climbs back into it.
• The repairman keeps showing up -- even when I didn’t call him -- not fixing anything, then leaving! Sometimes, he won’t even leave! What is his problem?
• Why does Sims2 completely slow down during 'create a family' and bathroom use?
• My Sims's hunger motive does not improve when he or she rents a picnic basket?
• Why Won't My Sims' Relationships Save?
• How do I score with someone at the party?
• HELP how do you get kids?
• Alien babies crashes the game.
• Help! My Sims Can't Sit Down!
• Help! my Sim is stuck on the couch!
• How do I keep the repairman from getting killed?
• Can I import a family from another country?
• How Come I have no bathrooms downtown?
• Once a visiting friend remained in the house after being asked to leave and I couldn't pick him up. He spent 3 days fainting from exhaustion, then coming round and bawling that he was uncomfortable!
• My mad scientist, having made it to the top of the science career ladder suddenly turned into a master criminal. Does this always happen?
• My photo journalist lost his job. Can you tell me what career path he was on as I'd like to get him back there? Jeff Pleasant also lost his job. Can I still get him to Mars?
• I have a nightlife install problem.

Welcome!

Irv Kupcinet, Chicago. February 7, 2008

The Dragon

The dragon walks to bring you luck now. In actual fact, she walks to travel from place to place using her feet. She brings luck though, not on her back or in the fibers of her sparse coarse hairs, but in a flaming pearl, a surrounding sphere that covers and reveals. The dragon watches the vicissitudes of life move like traffic through its grid, calmly breathing her cigarette-warm breath, crystalline vapors drafting across the troposphere.

The dragon comes to hear the burstings of firecrackers. She loves gunpowder, lychee and neatly-folded napkins. She will incinerate you if you only ask. The dragon has arrived with her prince regent The Rat to wish you a Happy New Year. For her part, the hard-working Rat brings aggression, wealth, charm, order, pestilence and atrocities. It's going to be that kind of year.

This time, the dragon has been called by your silence. Her gentle heart (or hearts) beat throughout the rain, bright pantograph sparks and scattered shadows on the passing underbrush. She knows the song you want to sing, warms the air you cannot touch and sears a path of light through the brambles and thickets of time misunderstood. It's going to be that kind of year. All happiness to you.

Great Job!

As the elevator ladies say, Happy Friday. Could you get off the roof though, please?